I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
