Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize