Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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