im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
