What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
