Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
