I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
