I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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