the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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