im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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