thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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