ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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