What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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