No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't deserve a penis
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize