The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
