Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
