So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
