I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
