butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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