I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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