the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
