Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
