I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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