Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
