Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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