I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
