Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize