Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize