I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
