dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize