I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
