I'd wear matching sweaters with you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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