walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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