My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
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