Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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