Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
