Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize