Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
