she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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