do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish I could teleport
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
