I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
