I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize