It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
