nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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