do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
