Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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