She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
