thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
