So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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