Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
organizing the empties. That sober.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
