The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
