Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
