News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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