I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let's get the cat blown out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
