i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
