my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
