his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
