Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
