We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
