with your own penis?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
