So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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