I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
