i will never coherently bang her
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
