Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
