actually, I'm a sock model
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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