I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
