Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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