"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
