you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
