I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
