so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
