Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
