Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
