lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
