sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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