yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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