She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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