I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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