Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
