Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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