it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
