i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
