You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
