I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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