I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
