At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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