Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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