If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
