If i come over, it means nothing
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I want is dick and wine.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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