my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
