In the future we'll all be gay
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
