I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
